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Achy Breaky Hearts


I know my heart is healing. Today I flipped through pictures and when I came upon Tia’s photograph, I didn’t weep. It still hurts, but the pain is shifting. Society encourages us to get over our feelings of grief quickly, yet I struggle with that idea. I find it difficult to rejoice about moving on and leaving an important part of my past behind. Instead, I want to savor the emotions I feel about Tia, even if it means having to experience my grief a bit longer. At some point I know I’ll associate Tia with wistful, happy memories, but for now my feelings are still a mixed bag.

I thought my first few rides this spring would be fraught with emotion, but Dharla has kept me focused on the present. Oh, the joys of riding a young, green Arabian! Yesterday’s ride was the first time I actually let my mind wander a bit. I’ve tried hard not to make too many comparisons between the mares, but there are certainly a few similarities. When I went to cue Dharla for our first canter together I couldn’t help but think of Tia and her beautifully collected, rocking horse gaits. Dharla’s comfortable … not as collected as Tia was, but she’s young. She’ll get there.

As Dharla and I rode along a large shadow passed over us and when I looked up, I saw a hawk soaring close overhead. Again, I thought of Tia. Hawks will always be connected to my memories of Tia. So often they silently shadowed us on our rides. When I see a hawk now I wonder if it’s Tia’s spirit guide, come to make sure Dharla and I are doing well? I know that sounds goofy, but I’ve consistently noticed the close presence of a hawk on several key occasions since Dharla arrive. It seems a little odd to be just a coincidence. I’m usually not one to buy into mythology or fantasy, but if spirit guides do exist then I hope it tells Tia I miss her, but that Dharla and I are doing fine.


Sept 14, 2010. 8:28 PM EST.

Canon EOS 7D

ISO: 200, 50mm, 1/800 sec, f/1.4

Lens: Canon 50mm 1.4

2 responses

  1. Sorry for your loss. Very pretty photo. I can relate to your pain as we lost our loving German Shepherd a couple years back and I still think of her often and miss her like crazy…
    Take care.

    April 28, 2011 at 1:28 PM

    • Thanks for the kind words. I’ve had animals all my life, but some losses are just harder than others. I like to think all my animals are special, but some … well, no need to explain to someone who knows.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. May time turn your grief into wistful, but happy memories.

      April 28, 2011 at 9:36 PM

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